


the one where Tissaia is a freestyle dance teacher

by BloodInTheFields



Category: The Witcher (TV), Wiedźmin | The Witcher - All Media Types
Genre: Crack, Gen, Sabrina is only in it because of Triss, Thotssaia, Tissaia took a trip to the 21st century or something, Yennefer is kinda whipped and doesn't know it, cringe level: red, i should orphan this work, please love me anyway, the relationships are only suggested and hinted at, tw: ridicule
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-04-19
Updated: 2020-04-19
Packaged: 2021-03-01 18:53:37
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,023
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23741851
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BloodInTheFields/pseuds/BloodInTheFields
Summary: “It’s Tissaia,” Triss told her, concern evident in her voice.“What’s with her?”Now closer to the window, Yennefer leaned forwards and watched as her former mentor, way down below, was shaking her arms and upper body in very strange ways. Had the woman finally lost it?
Relationships: Sabrina Glevissig/Triss Merigold, Tissaia de Vries/Yennefer z Vengerbergu | Yennefer of Vengerberg
Comments: 19
Kudos: 89





	the one where Tissaia is a freestyle dance teacher

**Author's Note:**

  * For [thinkbucket](https://archiveofourown.org/users/thinkbucket/gifts), [xjellydonut](https://archiveofourown.org/users/xjellydonut/gifts).



> I have to say... I've never ever written something like this before, and there's probably a good reason why.
> 
> You're welcome to yell at me in the comments, I will accept any and all punishment or insult.

One fine morning of spring, some months after the battle of Sodden, Yennefer portaled to Aretuza for a check-up. It had become a ritual. She, Triss and Sabrina would meet with Tissaia at the academy to discuss political matters and to keep an eye on the continent.

She was walking through one of the long corridors when she saw Triss and Sabrina standing there, looking out of the window. She approached silently, curious.

“What’re you looking at?”

The two sorceresses startled and turned around. Triss placed a hand on her heart, trying to steady her heartbeat as Sabrina threw her a murderous look.

“What the fuck, Yennefer.”

Yennefer grinned, not sorry at all. She tried to look past them to see what was so fascinating outside.

“It’s Tissaia,” Triss told her, concern evident in her voice.

“What’s with her?”

Now closer to the window, Yennefer leaned forwards and watched as her former mentor, way down below, was shaking her arms and upper body in very strange ways. Had the woman finally lost it?

“What the hell is this,” she asked, glancing at Sabrina, who shrugged.

“Beats me. She started doing that yesterday. She’s actually improved since then.”

“She looks like she’s having a stroke,” Yennefer commented, looking back at Tissaia.

“We should go say hi,” Triss suggested.

Yennefer had a hard time detaching herself from the window but eventually, she followed her companions outside.

__

The sun was high in the sky and there was a soft breeze carrying the smell of the ocean. Yennefer enjoyed days like this but they were few and far between. She closed her eyes as she walked, savoring the weather, following Sabrina and Triss. Soon enough, they reached the spot where Tissaia was still experiencing some kind of seizure. Yennefer frowned.

“Tissaia,” she called out.

“Oh, hello, girls!”

The Rectoress finally stopped moving, dropping her arms back at her sides and straightening her spine. She waited until her former students were closer and offered them a bright smile.

“I trust you’ve had safe travels?”

“We did, thank you,” Triss replied with the shadow of a smile on her face.

“I portaled in,” Yennefer deadpanned, crossing her arms. “What were you doing just now?”

“Oh, that? Dancing! It’s a new style, from the continent.”

She seemed in such a good mood that Yennefer didn’t have it in her to laugh mockingly. Tissaia would probably sulk and give her the silent treatment for a year, and Yennefer had come to care too much about her to want that to happen. Sabrina, however, didn’t care for politeness or other people’s feelings.

“It looked like a chicken trying to fight off a fox.”

Yennefer’s eyes widened and she took a look at her blonde friend. Beside her, Triss was trying her hardest to suppress the grin threatening to break out on her face. Tissaia stood as tall as she could and gave Sabrina a once-over.

“You, my dear, are jealous. Because there’s no way you’d have enough coordination to dance this well. Certainly not with those humongous melons you call breasts.”

At that, Yennefer let out a bark of laughter which only grew when Sabrina shot daggers at her. Tissaia was already walking away, head held high. Yennefer followed her and jogged to catch up.

“Hey, you know, if you like that dance—”

“It’s called freestyle dancing.”

“Right. Well, if you like it then who cares if Sabrina doesn’t?”

“And what do _you_ think, Yennefer?”

Tissaia had stopped and Yennefer, still half a step behind, all but bumped into her.

“Oh, uh, I think… I mean, I suppose I’d need to see more of… that. To know. To form an opinion.”

Tissaia hummed mysteriously and Yennefer cringed. Maybe she hadn’t been convincing enough and Tissaia knew she was lying. The dance was ridiculous. Sabrina and Triss caught up with them.

“Right. Well. We have a council meeting in an hour. I’m going to bathe. You girls keep busy somehow, and I’ll see you then. Afterwards,” she added after a beat, “you will receive your first freestyle dancing lesson.”

With that bomb dropped, Tissaia left them to stare after her as she made her way back to the castle. The three young mages stood in stunned silence for about a minute before Sabrina spoke up.

“Did I hallucinate that?”

“Nope,” Yennefer confirmed. “She said those words.”

“No way am I—”

“I think it could be fun,” Triss interrupted, a soothing hand on Sabrina’s back.

“Sounds like hell,” Sabrina grumbled.

“I don’t see a way out of it that wouldn’t hurt Tissaia’s feelings,” Yennefer said. “I haven’t seen her so happy in… forever. In forever. Maybe we should just do that one lesson and then forget this was ever a thing, never mention it again.”

“Oh I will absolutely bribe Triss into making me a forgetting potion.”

They shared a laugh and, arms linked, the three women went back inside where they were soon expected to show up for another council meeting.

__

“One, two, three, four… No, no! This is not what _I’m_ doing. Focus, girls!”

Frustrated, Tissaia stomped her foot as Yennefer, Triss and Sabrina found their initial position once more, for the fifth time in under three minutes. None of them were too pleased with what was going on. Tissaia was even more irritable as a dance teacher than she’d ever been as their magic teacher decades ago. Yennefer wanted to scream, Triss looked like she was a second away from tearing out her hair, and Sabrina was frowning so hard that Yennefer was almost certain she couldn’t even see normally anymore.

“This is the move,” Tissaia continued as she placed herself in front of them. “The elbow is up, then it’s down, and the hand comes up. Now. _Again_.”

“Is this going to be taught at Aretuza from now on,” Yennefer asked.

“It might,” Tissaia replied, missing the complete sarcasm in her former student’s tone.

Sabrina snickered and pretended to cough as Tissaia redirected her attention to her.

“You girls need discipline. We’ll keep at it until you master the moves I showed you. Quiet now, and let’s go back from the beginning.”

Yennefer rolled her eyes. Of all the things that could have made Tissaia lose her mind, it had to have been some weird-ass dancing style. Oh, she’d need drinks stronger than ale to forget all of this.

__

On the fourth day in their impromptu extended stay at Aretuza, Yennefer woke up at the crack of dawn to rush to the ballroom where she was to meet with Tissaia, Sabrina and Triss. All of them were already there, warming up.

“Nice of you to join us, Piglet,” Tissaia said reproachfully.

“Well maybe if the cooks hadn’t decided to have the best rooster for dinner yesterday, I’d have woken up in time.”

“If we are to open this ball with our choreography, it needs to be impeccable. Only two days left to prepare,” Tissaia reminded her.

Yes, the Rectoress had managed to convince them to open the ball, and yes the three women had maybe taken a liking to the sharp moves of freestyle dancing that Tissaia had taught them. Yennefer wasn’t sure how they’d made it here, and half of her was convinced Tissaia had cast a spell on them, but they were having fun for the first time since the events of Sodden and it felt good to be, for a little while, unburdened and free. Tissaia smiled that strange, conniving smile again and Yennefer really wanted to know what the other woman was thinking. She’d gladly sacrifice Stregobor to have a peek into Tissaia’s ever-guarded mind.

“In position girls! Three, two, one, and one, two, three, four—”

They all moved in sync, and Yennefer prayed they’d be that good in front of the crowd in two days. The rehearsal would last for another two hours and she would probably train some more alone in her room. She’d never enjoyed Aretuza more. The thought mildly horrified her.

__

The last time Yennefer had suffered from stage fright had been never, because she’d never experienced that strange feeling in the pit of her stomach before, but Triss had told her about it. “It’s normal, Yen,” she’d said. Yennefer hated normal. Sabrina, ever so serious, looked as unbothered as usual. The room was full of mages and of kings and queens. They’d spent the day debating what to do with Nilfgaard and they were more than ready to be entertained.

It was up to the three of them—without Tissaia—to open the ball. Tissaia had apparently hurt her ankle a few hours before, on an uneven step. Yennefer took a deep breath as they made it to the center of the room, surrounded by the crowd of royals. Sabrina clapped her hands, and the music began. It was unlike anything anyone had ever heard—strange sounds none of them could have possibly known before Tissaia had introduced them to freestyle dancing. Yennefer still wondered what instruments could play such… music.

They started dancing. Yennefer knew the moves so well by now that she could feel the music in her veins, and she felt a surge of pride. In the middle of her performance, she sought out Tissaia with her eyes and found her standing there, without the cane she’d used earlier to alleviate the weight on her ankle. Something felt off.

The music ended, and the three women stopped moving abruptly, as was customary for this kind of dance. She’d expected the stunned silence, of course, because of the novelty of the dance. But then, Yennefer had imagined the crowd would applaud and marvel at their performance, and Tissaia would take all of the credit and glory for having taught them.

But the room was silent and kept it that way. Someone coughed in the background. Tissaia said nothing, but… there was a smirk on her face and she tipped her glass of wine towards Yennefer before she drank from it.

“What’s happening,” Sabrina muttered through gritted teeth. “Why the hell are those morons not applauding?”

“I don’t know,” Triss replied in the same tone.

“We got fucked,” Yennefer realized.

She held Tissaia’s gaze as it dawned on her.

“Tissaia… I think she pranked us.”

“What the fuck do you mean,” Sabrina all but yelled, turning towards Yennefer and forgetting their audience.

Just then, Tissaia cleared her throat, catching everyone’s attention. She stepped forward, and Yennefer noticed immediately how she wasn’t limping anymore. It had all been a lie. They’d been tricked, but for what purpose? Tissaia needed to explain herself. She tried to approach her but Tissaia put up a finger in her direction and Yennefer’s demand for an explanation died in her throat.

“Your royal Highnesses, as you can see, the battle of Sodden has left great marks on our best mages. The strongest of them are struggling to recover. Their minds are troubled, as you can see.”

Several heads in the audience nodded. Tissaia paused, glanced back towards the three girls—Yennefer saw Triss’s hand holding Sabrina’s wrist, as if to prevent her from impulsively punching Tissaia in the back of the head—and kept on talking.

“Aretuza, our great academy, needs your help in funding a medical wing where we could train apprentices.”

Yennefer branched out. She’d heard enough to figure out where this was going. Tissaia was asking the royals to open their purses of gold. They’d been the pawns in her chess game, a necessary sacrifice to get to the kings. She was torn between hating Tissaia for the humiliation and loving her for the mastermind that she was.

“I’m going to make her so fat she won’t be able to walk through the front door,” Sabrina threatened under her breath.

But in the crowd, Yennefer could already see coins going from gloves hands to Tissaia’s delicate ones and she couldn’t suppress a smile. The woman had mastered some nonsensical dance and spent countless hours teaching it to them for a farce. For money.

Maybe, she thought, just maybe, she still had some things to learn from Tissaia de Vries.

**Author's Note:**

> Please know that this was inspired by Renata Bliss. Direct all blame towards her.
> 
> https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZkNMZlkrzaU
> 
> Also, big up to thinkbucket and xjellydonut for indulging my crazy ass.


End file.
